We are not our thoughts
Often termed the ‘Monkey Mind,’ the internal voice within us may initially appear to be synonymous with our sense of self. Nevertheless, we have the ability to detach from and observe it, a testament to the idea that our true self resides beyond this voice
A few days before I wrote this article, my wife was enduring a difficult week of sleeplessness. Her issue wasn’t physical but rather the relentless activity of her restless mind. As soon as she switched off the lights, her thoughts would race forward, filling her with worry about the future, making it impossible for her body to relax and fall asleep.
In my efforts to assist her, I found myself explaining a simple 4–7–8 pranayama breathing exercise, which offered a way to distance oneself from the ceaseless stream of thoughts. This ancient practice involves focusing on counting while inhaling, holding, and exhaling, effectively interrupting the runaway train of thoughts that had been preventing her from getting a good night’s rest.
Interestingly, this experience with my wife’s “Monkey Mind” brought to mind my own struggles in the world of tennis. I’m an avid tennis player, and the sport demands a calm and focused mind to perform at its best. In the past, my competition results were inconsistent. I often found myself intensely focused during the first set, winning it, only to become completely disconnected from the match in the second set. It was as if my mind was so burdened by the tension from the previous set that it needed a break, and my thoughts took over from that point onward.
However, three months after reading The Inner Game of Tennis, I managed to internalize my attention, much like the approach I had shared with my wife. This new skill allowed me to separate myself from the constant stream of thoughts not only on the tennis court but also in everyday life.
A common thread runs through both the sleep and tennis stories: the “Monkey Mind” can hinder us from achieving calm and presence, impacting various aspects of our lives. We often find ourselves immersed in this stream of thoughts instead of observing them as they arise. The good news is that the ability to detach from our thoughts is a skill that can be developed through practice.
Kids are free from the voice
Those of us who have kids, can observe how they play fully immersed in the present moment. No worries about the future, no examination about the past.
As children, we’re great at playing the inner game. We don’t intellectualize everything. All we do is observe and then try on our own. This is called implicit learning. Basically, you memorize a skill without necessarily being able to describe what you’re doing every step along the way.
As adults, we have to learn to focus on this kind of learning again, but once we do, we have a tool we can use to become better in all areas of life. For example, while all sports, including tennis, are competitions, champions rarely see their opponents as enemies. They merely represent an obstacle in a game. And to deal with that obstacle, the player has to win the internal match against themselves.
Observing the mental state
Observing the mental state is possible. Once to pay close attention to “the voice“, you’ll realize the mind is like a monkey flinging feces, running around the room, making trouble, shouting, and breaking things. It’s completely uncontrollable. It’s an out-of-control mad person.
As Naval Ravikant observed, you have to see this mad creature in operation before you feel a certain distaste toward it and start separating yourself from it. In that separation is liberation. You realize, “Oh, I don’t want to be that person. Why am I so out of control?” Awareness calms you down.
Ninety-five percent of what my brain runs off and tries to do, I don’t need to tackle in that exact moment. If the brain is like a muscle, I’ll be better off resting it, being at peace. When a particular problem arises, I’ll immerse myself in it.
The ability to singularly focus is related to the ability to lose yourself and be present, happy, and (ironically) more effective.
It’s almost like you’re taking yourself out of a certain frame and you’re watching things from a different perspective even though you’re in your own mind.
Buddhists talk about Awareness vs Ego. They’re really talking about how you can think of your brain, your consciousness, as a multilayered mechanism. There’s a core-base, kernel-level OS running. Then, there are applications running on top.
The untethered soul
The first time I read about this separation of “The Self” and “The Voice” was when reading the book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.
What`s unique about The Untethered Soul is that Singer has seemly done the impossible: written a step-by-step guide to help spiritual seekers discover genuine inner-peace and freedom. And by genuine, I mean it is not dependent on (not linked to) outside circumstances or experiences.
How to silence the monkey mind
Here are some pointers to tools that have helped my develop this difficult of separating from the Monkey Mind.
In case you are interested in reading more, I’ve written this article called Breaking free from the hedonic treadmill.
1. Consciously Breathing
2. Trascendental Meditation
Meditation is intermittent fasting for the mind
Meditation is turning off society and listening to yourself.
It only “works” when done for its own sake.
Hiking is walking meditation.
Journaling is writing meditation.
Praying is gratitude meditation.
Showering is accidental meditation.
Sitting quietly is direct meditation.
Billionaire Ray Dalio credits his success to 40 minutes of meditation per day — here’s how he does it.
3. Journaling
Gratitude journaling is one of the most underrated habits, yet science has shown it’s effectiveness to reduce stress.
While doing this exercise, we are forced to connect emotionally to our feelings and that alone, brings us to the present moment and separates us from the Monkey Mind.
4. Breath work
Breathing exercises have been known to humanity for millennia. However, it’s only in recent times that science has begun to delve deeper into their health and mental benefits.
As “The Inner Game of Tennis” highlights, directing our attention to our breath can have a profoundly positive impact on our presence and focus.
What makes this practice so powerful is that our breath is a constant companion, always with us.
When we shift our focus to our breath, it compels us to turn inward, promoting a sense of connection and concentration in the present moment, rather than being consumed by our incessant thoughts.
Wim Hof is another simple and effective breathing method. It’s well explained from the physical, mental and emotional side in this video:
Meditation is turning off society and listening to yourself.
It only “works” when done for its own sake.
Hiking is walking meditation.
Journaling is writing meditation.
Praying is gratitude meditation.
Showering is accidental meditation.
Sitting quietly is direct meditation.
